Of holidays and laptops

Sigh .. the Easter weekend just flew past as expected. Since we're changing from one visa type to another, our passport is with the 'home office' and that made sure that we couldn't leave the country for the long Easter break. The choice was between staying in London and just chilling out..and going to someplace within the UK. Imagine a Sunday .. which is actually like a Friday with two more days of holiday left .. but that was outweighed by the attraction of getting out of here, switching off for a few days and getting a much needed break.

That worked out fine (except that I hadn't thought through the cost implication properly!). We decided to drive around Devon and Cornwall with a couple of friends. It was beautiful ... though very cold. The fun with driving is that it can be totally impromptu. Find a place on the map, read about it in Lonely Planet and off you go. The wind and cold were a pain though .. but the beauty made up for it. The country side and villages in UK are so picturesque, it's looks directly out of a picture book (ofcourse I have considered the fact that the picture books might have been based on this in the first place thereby creating quite a skew!).

In all .. it was good to get away. Though one thing I would do differently in hindsight is not carry my laptop and blackberry. Life pre laptop and blackberry meant that I could really switch off on holidays and relax. While it was fun to have Internet access, I think it stopped me from really switching off. On Monday evening I was actually replying to a work mail -  not good. So next time it shall be a no blackberry/laptop holiday ... or so I think ... might just give in at the last moment.

I have take such a long blog break,  it's become like a sabbatical. At work, amongst other things, I have been working on a few re-launches in the last few months.  That got me thinking about a blog re-launch ... new colour, design and some general newness and excitement.

I tried for few hours .. but just could not get my head around xml code to use an image for the background. Well, I could keep trying, but I figured I could get writing before I get my little head to figure out code writing ... something which is I know so little of that it's like going to primary school for the web world.

After many months of stress and over-work, I am finally getting to sit in a comfortable chair with a footstool and not worry about work. I have been waiting for the Easter weekend for a long long time. This year is not quite as exciting as previous holidays. Though it's freezing cold ... it feels great to be in the country side. Away from the chaos of London .. in  a nice B&B where the nearest neighbour is over a mile away. It's past midnight and B and a friend are playing some game where you need to think. Soo not my kind of thing to do on a holiday.. left to me, the brain shall remain switched-off till Tuesday. So I've been reading Economist, listening to Virgin radio (by far the best radio station in the UK) enjoying some good red wine .. and decided to stop waiting for the perfect moment or re-launch and just get back to the blog world ..... 

A rather late recap on 2007

Ending the year on a holiday is always good.. it’s a sure shot a high. Sadly back to regular routine that wears off. So the exhilaration has ebbed and now it’s a more realistic look at the last year.

Last year started with mixed feelings and some resolutions. The good thing .. the resolutions sort of worked out. I did change my job for the better .. much better in fact .. and I did lose weight (well not as much as I would like, or as much as needed .. but am happy with the start). By mid year I was in a comfort zone with predictions for my one word for the year being ‘stability’. That’s actually how it did stay for much of the year.. and I was quite happy for it. The last couple of years before it had too much change .. new locations .. academics .. career change ... after a while it gets tiring. Normalcy and a lack of excitement felt soooo good.

Sadly, as I was settling into comfort zone reflecting on the year things took a steep turn. The shock of the unexpected absorbed part of the blow ... and that it was in more mundane events like work rather than harsher events faced by some friends who lost dear people and faced bad health. And just as I thought we had got to our lowest point .. it got lower .. and my department got restructured. Well, I am lucky to still have a job I suppose.. otherwise the overwhelming feeling is that of being ‘short-changed’.

I am not sure if I should believe the feedback .. or am just missing out on the point. But apparently I got a lower position than I expected since I don’t talk enough about myself. Apparently selfish show-off culture gets you further than being the nice helpful colleague who delivers the work but doesn’t trumpet it. I cannot believe my own naivety. Actually I can’t believe the reality. It has truly been a revolutionary year .. the year I grew up. I suppose the advantage of when you’re junior is that the work is more sugar coated and you’re rewarded as you deserve. Middle management is just a peek into the world of ugly politics which just gets worse as you go up. As I see things get covered up, trumpeted for way more than they are worth, harsh reality being rose tinted .. it seems unreal. While I struggle to accept it .. I reluctantly admit that this is the reality of the corporate work.. it’s a world I need to start getting used to .. to fight in .. and learn to play on its own terms.

And with that .. a very Happy New Year. Hope 2007 was good for you .. what’s your one word for it?

I just don't get it

Every time I read about a teenager going on a shooting rampage, I just don't get it. This one being the latest in the ever growing number. It reminds me of the book 'We need to talk about Kevin', however, being fiction and the way it is, I don't think it gave me an idea of the 'Why'. 

It did however, make me think of what the families go through after something like this.. especially the parents and feelings towards the family from those who might have lost someone to the incident or even others who know them. We tend to form opinions at the slightest details .. this would be a big millstone to carry.

But in all this .. I still don't understand why .. I wonder if anyone does.

So much for a post a day

All I managed was 10 posts in a month of 30 days . . but what a month it has been .. one I am unlikely to forget in a long long time!

The month did not just continue as it had begun it progressively got worse. There was not a single weekend that I did not work through .. and most days were till midnight. It was worse with slipping deadlines and unbelievable pressure on the getting the deliverables to the project team. To make matters worse, I have recently been given some new responsibility (someone's left and its stop gap till a new person joins) and I know very little about the area. There's been no time to meet people around the business and in all this chaos there was a report due on some issues in this business for which I was trying to get inputs from people around the business, but I did not get a single reply in time and I knew too little to put together by myself. It doesn't end here .. unrelated to my work .. there's been lots of chaos at B's workplace and threat of mass redundancy. In all this I had my annual review and it was only lukewarm, heavily influenced by how much behind schedule I am on the current project (its irrelevant that most of it has been because of things pretty much out of my control). 

All this just built up and up and up .. till one Friday in a meeting with my boss I totally broke down. Not only was it super embarrassing . . it comes across as quite professional. I had felt it coming but I was just rushing from one meeting to another that day and really wanted to take a break before this one to just get away and breathe .. but no time for that .. and it happened even though I tried quite hard to avoid it. Poor guy pretty much freaked.. he obviously knew how much stress there had been with everything (though not about my personal problems) so I tried to blame it on that and hope that it is not something that gets attached as a label to me (though at that point in time ofcourse I wasn't worrying so much about career progression and labels!). After the waterworks were under control .. he stayed late and helped with some of the work. Needless to say that the weekend after this was spent slaving at work and getting some of my overdue work out. The work is finally under control with all the overdue stuff completed for now .. B's workplace did have the mass redundancy and we've gone through the whole roller coaster of emotions on it.. and issues around sorting out my own work permit. And now I am just so tired . . and also so relieved not to have any work on this weekend. Am pretty sure by the next one it'll be quite different.

Lots of lessons for me! For one, I have become more organized about my work .. and it helped my spirits that my boss was finally pretty happy with the results of the project/presentation. It helps that there are no immediate financial issues and in a melodramatic way I think this is not a big issue given we're all healthy and happy! Most important lesson though .. I now recognize that 'stress' is a pretty real issue. I never gave the idea of stress much importance.. I always equated it to some work pressure .. next time I will surely be a little more respectful about the build up of this extra pressure!

A pretty action packed month and pretty ironical. When I was thinking of year end I had written that this was pretty much it as far as 2007 goes since nothing much would happen in the last two and a half months .. and then deleted it thinking I should not be speaking too soon. ESP :) ?!